Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
