Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
