I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
