Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
