i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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