Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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