This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Four minutes until I can fart!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
