My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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