Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
