So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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