Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
