i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
