is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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