we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
