Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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