; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
