also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
