K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
