today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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