Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we're making bets on your personal life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
