I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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