Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
