Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
