we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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