I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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