It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Holy shit dude........stairs
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
