It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
