pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
