I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
