I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
