areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
