Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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