I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
