i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
