Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
