plz talk dirty to me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
