oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
