just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
