don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
