Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
