Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
