she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
