I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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