Apparently you make a good broom.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
