the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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