It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
