That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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