I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
