I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
we should paint friendship bongs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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