College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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